Wear it like a crown

I’m 5 years old today. Happy Rez Day, me.

Knowing this day was fast approaching, I’ve taken note on the different ways in how SL bloggers mark their, and sometimes their friend’s, rez days. Unsurprisingly, I’ve observed that bloggers tend to approach their rez days in very much the same way that one might categorise their blogging style.

I’ve noticed that image-oriented bloggers might write posts on what they’ve looked like over the years. More journalistic bloggers might share pictures and memories about how they’ve spent previous rez days. More social bloggers might share photos and experiences about how they celebrate rez days with friends, while more fashion-oriented bloggers write pictorial posts about the outfits they’re wearing to mark the occasion.

Most of these posts are salt and peppered to taste with nostalgic allusions to the places they’ve visited and/or poignant reflections on the people they’ve known. More introspective, contextual bloggers might add some insights about changes they seen over the years, or how their Second Life has changed them personally.

So, I’ve wondered what to write on this day, and about this day, for a while now. Maybe I overthought it, but the big idea just didn’t come.

So I got to thinking… What kind of blogger am I? What is this blog for? Why am I here?

It’s no secret I love music, and my blog tends to highlight the music that might be touching me at any given moment, or the music that I feel expresses my emotions in ways that go beyond my ability, or at times want, to write about. But beyond cathartic release, and yes I appreciate that there is great value in that, what purpose does it serve?

My posts tend to use music to further explore or express the insights I have about my inner world – my thoughts and emotions, my dreams and aspirations, my anxieties and fears about the world. And I find it really helps me find where I am on the map of my consciousness, as it were. How can I use this to give something back to those who might need or want something similar?

I truly have more questions than I do answers:

Is this just an exercise in self-indulgence? Am I adding anything? Or, am I just dumping the tangled noodles of my mind into the colander of your tolerance?

Where have I gone off the path of being genuine and helpful to myself, to others, and to the place we all share – to the SL blogosphere; to Second Life itself?

Where have a wasted time in regret?

Where have I truly celebrated the closeness I feel with those I most care about?

How can I better myself through this? How can I better you?

How can I create something, here on this blog or in Second Life, that can help us all better celebrate the preciousness of this short, brilliant life we share together?

I look at the years of my Second Life as a metaphor of my childhood, my adolescence, and my transition into adulthood. Now that I feel like I’ve reached Second Life adulthood, I’m yet again struggling with a sense of purpose in this world.

I know I have so much inside me that I can use to help others. I’ve seen flickers of it here and there. I know I have so much more to give. But what is it? Who needs it? Where can I start?

At this moment, I’m at a loss.

But, this year, I am committing to discovering that purpose. Where it will end up, how will it influence this blog or my Second Life, I have no idea yet. But I’m going to really give this some thought and take some actions towards it. It’s time.

If there’s a song that expresses these feelings most completely, it’s Rebekka Karijord’s “Wear it like a crown”:

Cause if I don’t follow my heart this time
I’m gonna forget what this life is all about
I’m gonna take that path
I’m going in on my own
I’m gonna take that fear and wear it like a crown

Please enjoy it.