Me: I just had a wrestling match with the printer!!!
Harvey: Ooo! Who won?!
Me: Actually, it was a tag team event. Two of us. We had to move locations it was too heavy.
Harvey: Is it one of those big free-standing ones?
Me: No, not that big, but after 5 minutes in the air, it gets heavier than you want it to be.
Me: We then moved it onto an adjacent table as we attempted to remove stuck paper from it, me from the back-end, and my colleague from the front end.
Harvey: It almost sounds sexy.
Me: Then, someone else came and took a picture of us with their iPhone, and walked away without a word.
Harvey: It sounds like a great picture.
Me: I should really see about getting it.
Harvey: That or confiscating the phone before they have a chance to publish it Did you win in the end?
Me: Yes, we removed the offending sheet of paper then I lifted it back into place. All seems to be back to normal now.
Harvey: I hate printers. There isn’t much technology that makes me actively angry but if there is one thing, it’s printers, they always give me problems.
Me: I tend not to print things but we’re doing mailing labels for Xmas cards and you need a PhD in desktop publishing to get that done right.
Harvey: Yep. People tend to assume that because I know a little about computers and software that printers fall under that category too and they really are a beast of their own. And label printing, well that’s a black art.
Me: Yes. It can never be done right the first time. In fact, you’re probably guaranteed to do it every possible wrong way before getting it done right.
Harvey: Including, through some twisting of the laws of physics on the sticky side of the label.
Me: The part I like the best, is the walk from the desk to the printer, and back again.
Harvey: The true walk of shame!
Me: Over and over again, yes.
Harvey: …and every time you get more and more downcast about it. By the end you’re very nearly in tears.
Me: While someone asks while grinning… “how’s that coming?”
Harvey: Yeah, there’s always one.
Me: But actually, you don’t get too much flack for doing this particular job wrong because they all know they’re one inch away of being asked to help, or do it themselves.
Harvey: Yep, and they know they’d be doing exactly the same walk, over and over. Then just as you get it right one of the labels comes unstuck inside the printer and jams the whole thing up again.
Me: That’s right. And you swear to yourself, next year… we’re sending this out.
Harvey: But you don’t.
Me: But of course not, a whole year passes.
Harvey: You forget the pain, and inhumanity of the whole thing.
Me: Yes… I love Christmas.
Harvey: Hahaha ~ It’s the most wonderful time of the year ~
Me: I also really enjoy signing my name on cards. Hundreds of them. It’s just so… meaningful.
Harvey: I bet! The personal touch! I make a stamp.
Me: Someone earlier asked: “who is so-and-so?”, and it was my name they were reading, written so illegibly it looked like another name entirely.
Harvey: You know what’s great too? Receiving those cards!
Me: Yes, I have already had the pleasure this season to receive cards done in exactly the same way.
Harvey: Superb! OMG. Last Christmas, I’d closed a deal with a client, right at the start of December. It was a big deal, anyway our dumbass CEO includes them in his Christmas card list so our gift to them, having just received a $5m PO, was a flimsy christmas card printed out on an inkjet and no message inside, just the scrawled signature of the CEO. I was pretty happy that I’d already got ink on paper because that would have killed it entirely
Me: That’s awesome.
Harvey: What a tool that guy was.
Me: Sometimes I think sending nothing is better than sending anything at all. At least that way they don’t judge your mediocre efforts.
Harvey: I tend to agree and with big customers make it meaningful send a good bottle of scotch or a Fortnum and Mason gift basket or something similar.
Me: Last year we sent out Harvey Nicks Xmas hampers. They cost over 50 quid each (at least). Really nice.
Harvey: Yep. But the customer will remember it
Me: Yes, they might have, if we had included a “from” label.
Harvey: bwahahahaha. That is amazing!
Me: Isn’t it? I should really write a blog post about all of this. It’s got so much potential.