V-Day: The unforgiving spotlight on our relationship aparthied

Ready for the Emotional Vortex of Valentine's Day?
My Funny Valentine

And here it comes again: February 14th. V-Day. The day that separates the haves and have nots. The romantics and the cynics. The couples and the singletons.

It’s enough to make you jump for cover. Like a hailstorm of arrows blotting out the sun, here come the volley of prefunctorily-purchased fresh-cut flowers, one-size fits all heart-shaped confectionary, and the age-innappopriate, plush white teddy bears.

Here comes the artful dodging of the awful, cheesy, corny, mass-produced poetry of throw-away greeting cards that walk the line between the desperate and the imperative: “Be mine!/?”

Here come cupid’s arrows, felling their targets, as the sun again shines an unforgiving spotlight on our relationship aparthied.

Here comes the one, inevitable, question that’s actually a hundred-times worse than “anything fun planned for the weekend?”…“Any special plans for Valentine’s Day???”.

Yes actually, I was planning to buy a half-dozen oversized, heart-carrying teddy bears, cut out a picture of everyone who has asked me that question this year, clip them on their oversized, heart-carrying teddy bear faces, and spend the evening ceremonially stabbing them in the heart like the voodoo dolls they actually are. And when I get bored of that, I’ll pop open a bottle of Malbec for one. What about you? šŸ™‚

And, if there remains any doubt as to how excited I am about V-Day, here’s an introduction to a few ghosts of Valentines’ Days past:

  • Confronting the fact that you are, or not, in a relationship, all the while having the nagging suspicion that the world was in fact built for two
  • Proving one’s commitment to said relationship on that one day of the year, should the two rare conditions exist on precisely the same day – often accompanied with the volley of arrows described above
  • Dreading the pressure of the “perfect date” – that inventively conceived, perfectly timed, eventfully staged, and climatically concluded mirage that like all best-laid plans tend to go off the tracks in direct proportion to their anticipation
  • Watching the day wind down as the one person you’d hoped would rise to the ocassion goes AWOL
  • Writing cards to myself at school, stacking the deck as it where, ensuring I’d never be known as the girl that didn’t get a card that year

Some say, we should have a Singleton Day. Not a bad idea, but why only one? How about this? Let’s ditch the predominant social paradigm, and just be present for the ones we love – all the time? And if you must, be your own Valentine this year, I know I will be. And here’s my song to me:

My funny valentine
Sweet comic valentine
You make me smile with my heart
Your looks are laughable,
Unphotographable
Yet you’re my favorite work of art
Is your figure less than Greek?
Is your mouth a little weak?
When you open it to speak
Are you smart?
Don’t change a hair for me
Not if you care for me
Stay little Valentine stay
Each day is Valentine’s Day

6 thoughts on “V-Day: The unforgiving spotlight on our relationship aparthied

    1. I thought that was a beautiful version. This song was made for the trumpet and Chris Botti kills it! And then Sting, with his ironically mischevious take on it was just the thing I was looking for. It’s tough to beat Chet Baker’s original, but I was really torn between the version above and this one with (amazingly!) Matt Damon! Have a listen, it is divine: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MXBRhz7oZYA

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  1. I have been mulling over this very topic! In doing so I agree. It’s about the haves and have nots. Those in relationship are forced to “do something special” out of routine… unless they’ve grown past that stage and agreed to do nothing. If you’re in a new relationship and it’s all still fresh… then great… or if you’re single, you either approach the day wondering if maybe someone will make a move, or you contemplate making a fool out of yourself, putting your heart and self-respect on the line to take the plunge yourself, when really, if you like someone you should grow some and make your move regardless of what the calendar says… or, as probably works for any category you fall into: spend the day in hiding!

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    1. Thanks for your comment Brian. It’s a classic case of damned if you do, damned if you don’t!

      And that’s a really good point about how the length or depth of a relationship makes a difference too – and doesn’t necessarily make it any easier! I hadn’t thought about that, but it really makes sense.

      Personally, I love my friend Millie’s ( http://missmilliebean.wordpress.com/ ) idea, who took self-love to its literal conclusion with her recent Valentine’s Day gift to herself, purchased discreetly from Ann Summers šŸ˜‰ Who said the easter bunny only comes on Easter Sunday!

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