And here it comes again: February 14th. V-Day. The day that separates the haves and have nots. The romantics and the cynics. The couples and the singletons.
It’s enough to make you jump for cover. Like a hailstorm of arrows blotting out the sun, here come the volley of prefunctorily-purchased fresh-cut flowers, one-size fits all heart-shaped confectionary, and the age-innappopriate, plush white teddy bears.
Here comes the artful dodging of the awful, cheesy, corny, mass-produced poetry of throw-away greeting cards that walk the line between the desperate and the imperative: “Be mine!/?”
Here come cupid’s arrows, felling their targets, as the sun again shines an unforgiving spotlight on our relationship aparthied.
Here comes the one, inevitable, question that’s actually a hundred-times worse than “anything fun planned for the weekend?”…“Any special plans for Valentine’s Day???”.
Yes actually, I was planning to buy a half-dozen oversized, heart-carrying teddy bears, cut out a picture of everyone who has asked me that question this year, clip them on their oversized, heart-carrying teddy bear faces, and spend the evening ceremonially stabbing them in the heart like the voodoo dolls they actually are. And when I get bored of that, I’ll pop open a bottle of Malbec for one. What about you? 🙂
And, if there remains any doubt as to how excited I am about V-Day, here’s an introduction to a few ghosts of Valentines’ Days past:
- Confronting the fact that you are, or not, in a relationship, all the while having the nagging suspicion that the world was in fact built for two
- Proving one’s commitment to said relationship on that one day of the year, should the two rare conditions exist on precisely the same day – often accompanied with the volley of arrows described above
- Dreading the pressure of the “perfect date” – that inventively conceived, perfectly timed, eventfully staged, and climatically concluded mirage that like all best-laid plans tend to go off the tracks in direct proportion to their anticipation
- Watching the day wind down as the one person you’d hoped would rise to the ocassion goes AWOL
- Writing cards to myself at school, stacking the deck as it where, ensuring I’d never be known as the girl that didn’t get a card that year
Some say, we should have a Singleton Day. Not a bad idea, but why only one? How about this? Let’s ditch the predominant social paradigm, and just be present for the ones we love – all the time? And if you must, be your own Valentine this year, I know I will be. And here’s my song to me:
My funny valentine
Sweet comic valentine
You make me smile with my heart
Your looks are laughable,
Yet you’re my favorite work of art
Is your figure less than Greek?
Is your mouth a little weak?
When you open it to speak
Are you smart?
Don’t change a hair for me
Not if you care for me
Stay little Valentine stay
Each day is Valentine’s Day